she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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