to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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