...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
