Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
