He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
