Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
