i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
