you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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