When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
