Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
