He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
