..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
40s are totally the cure
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
