It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
