He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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