I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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