i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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