Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
