i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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