I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
