so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
