i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
