I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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