so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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