so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
