my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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