She's JV to your varsity
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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