considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
