Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Terrible idea I love it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
