boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
