NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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