even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
