Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
