I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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