i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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