Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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