Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
