so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
