We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
