How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
