worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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