Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
