my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
