i just sent this text using only my big toe
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
