i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
