I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
