i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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