You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
