my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
