I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
cat food counts as protein by the way
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
