So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
