I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
