I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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